I skived off work yesterday. Not much had been happening all week and I didn't have any meetings or deadlines. I'm hardly ever sick and I figured I was owed a day in lieu for the ridiculous hours I had to put in before I went on holiday. I hope that's enough justification for you! Anyway, I phoned in sick with a migraine (a nice symptom as it only lasts a few hours so if you get caught out an about you can just say that you felt better by the afternoon) I do actually get migraines and have had to leave work sick before due to them so they was no reason for my manager to question my sincerity. I had a very productive day at home getting all sorts of things done. I also went to the bank and to the station to purchase a fabulous network card. This is the over 25's equivilent of a young persons railcard and should save me money on rail fares for the next year. It's not as good as a young persons railcard, but should still pay for itself in discounts.

As you can probably imagine the topic of conversation everywhere this morning is football. For once I can also knowledgably(!) converse with the boys as I watched the match last night from the confines of the White Lion pub. It was good fun especially since it was a good match. However, I have sore shoulders from where I was tense in the second half – having seen England throw away the match against France I couldn’t trust them even with a 2 goal lead. Friend Kinky Malibu and I didn’t join in with the football chants, but we did learn some new ones. My personal favourite was ‘He’s fat, he’s Scouse, he’s fucking robbed your house, Wayne Rooney, Wayne Rooney’. Only in this country would this be considered complementary.

I have seen a quite a bit of Kinky Malibu recently as I spent most of Saturday with her. We went to Hitchin with friend Bonnie Sin to partake in lunch and retail therapy. Saturday evening Bonnie Sin had to work so Kinky Malibu and I went to harass her and also blag a heavily discounted dinner (we were going for a 100% discount but only ended up with 50%. However, given the amount of food we ended up with I can’t do that too often)

Sunday I went to see my Dad as it was Father’s Day. I didn’t get round there until late as I had my hair cut mid afternoon so he wasn’t happy about that – you’d have thought at his age he could wait for his cards and presents. He did seem happy with his present at least, but it’ll be interesting to see if he ever watches it. A few years ago I brought him a Marx brothers video set and it’s never been opened.

I got a bit sidetracked yesterday and so wasn't able to post as I intended. I must have a word with someone about all of this pesky work stuff I have to do when I'm in the office. It's eating into my valuable internet time.

Yesterday I left the office at 5pm (which was early for me) and I was the last person here as everyone else had skulked off home to watch the football. The Head of Customer Services, Marketing, Retentions and Commissions Finance (in future, I'm just going to refer to him as my manager - it'll be much quicker) told me that if I wanted to leave early like everyone else I had to prove I was interested in football by naming five players from the England squad. I didn't want to leave early as I wanted to have a traffic free drive to the gym, but I objected to the fact that he thought I wouldn't know who played for England. First name I came up with was David Beckham and that was immediately disqualified because 'everyone know who he is because they fancy him' I argued that he is an England player and therefore eligible for my list and so my manager promptly upped the number of players I had to come up with to six. Thanks to having watched the match on Sunday I was able to rattle off David James, Emile Heskey, Steven Gerrard and Michael Owen quite quickly. With a bit of prompting I got Wayne Rooney which was again disqualified as I got help. I eventually came up with Owen Hargreaves and I was free to go. I was impressed with myself even if no one else was.

Unfortunately, I did myself a dis-service as there was the usual amount of traffic on the roads as other people obviously didn't work for as sympathetic managers as me (I let my contractor leave at 4.30pm - as I didn't leave until 5pm I could've been bloody minded and made him stay too) I should've left early - there probably would've been less traffic. However, the gym was quite empty at least.

I don't have anything much planned for the weekend - I will probably see friends Bonnie Sin, Kinky Malibu and maybe Mary Ellen Thong. As Sunday is Father's day I'd better go and see the Daddy so he doesn't get the hump. Having said that he'll be sulking anyway as he wanted a golf club so my sister and I brought him the Lord of the Rings box set on DVD. Before you think that we are heartless daughters a) have you seen how much golf clubs cost and b) he always asks for golf clubs and we always say that we wouldn't know what to buy and he would then sulk if we got it wrong.

More email amusement. This is supposed to be the definition of an Irish barbeque, but it's an uncanny representation of a barbeque at my parents house (which is why I've changed 'the man' and 'the woman' to 'my Dad' and 'my Mum')

It's the only type of cooking my Dad will do. When he volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
1) My Mum goes to the shops.
2) My Mum makes the salad, vegetables and dessert.
3) My Mum prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to my Dad, who is lounging beside the grill, beer in hand.
4) My Dad places the meat on the grill.
5) My Mum goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
6) My Mum comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. My Dad thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer whilst he deals with the situation.
7) My Dad takes the meat off the grill and hands it to my Mum.
8) My Mum prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
9) After eating, my Mum clears the table and does the dishes.
10) Everyone praises my Dad and thanks him for his cooking efforts.
11) My Dad asks my Mum how she enjoyed "her night off."
12) And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing her.

Inspired by friend Pimp Daddy Rothschild's blogging yesterday, I will be posting a number of entries today. I'll start with an email I recieved yesterday

It's just been reported that one of the French football players has failed a drugs and alcohol test yesterday (Tuesday) after the match. If this is confirmed as positive, under World Football Federation rules, paragraph 6
sub section 2e, France will forfeit their 3 points and they'll be appointed to their opponents, England. Scroll down for the full transcript of this report.

(Imagine a big bank space here)

Carlsberg don't send emails, but if they did, they'd probably be the best in the world.

It doesn't work quite so well as a blog entry, but it amused me.

Stay tuned for more postings!

In the spirit of posting smaller entries more often I am posting this morning to tell you about the cinema trip last night. Friend Bonnie Sin and I went with various hangers on (my siter and her boyfriend, Bonnie Sin's boyfriend and her brother who was at school with my sister) to see the new Harry Potter film. I saw the first one but didn't see the second mainly becuase it's got the big snake thing in it. I didn't fancy confronting my phobia on a large screen. I really liked the third film, although this may be helped by the fact that it was also my favourite out of the books that I have read (I lost interest after the 4th book) It was quite a long film at over 2 hours but I didn't notice the time which for me is a sign that I'm enjoying the film. If you are stuck for something to do one evening you could do a lot worse than go and see this film.

I shouldn’t be writing this entry this morning as I have to pull a presentation together for a meeting at 1pm. However, I can’t face doing that yet and so this is a delaying tactic. This entry shouldn’t be as long as the last one as I only have to cover a week. Last Wednesday it was my parents wedding anniversary. They’ve been married for 300 years or so (or maybe it only feels like that). My Mum decided that as the weather was nice at the beginning of last week that she was going to have a barbeque. I should mention that my parents haven’t owned a barbecue for at least 5 years so they were somewhat out of practice at hosting one. By Wednesday the weather had changed and the evening was dull and overcast. I phoned at 6pm when I got in from work recommending that they light the barbecue. When I arrived at 7pm the barbecue was still unlit. When the barbecue finally got hot enough to start cooking on it started to rain so we all moved into the house and my Mum cooked dinner in the oven. Friend Bonnie Sin had been invited by my parents as we had a prior arrangement to go to the cinema. The idea was that we would go after dinner – however, due to the chaos that surrounded dinner I felt cheeky running off as soon as we’d eaten. As a result of the evening Bonnie Sin and I are now going to the cinema tonight and my parents have vowed never to have a barbecue again!

Thursday, it was friend Jacqui Buttock’s birthday and so on Friday night I headed down to Clapham to meet her, Manly Slides, Debbie Dicks, Donna Cummings and Seymour Lay to celebrate. We had a great evening in All Bar One sitting outside as it was so warm. As I was having such a good time I never made it home Friday night as Jacqui Buttocks and Manly Slides invited me to stay at their flat so I could have a few drinks. Luckily we didn’t decide this until after 10pm (up until this point I hadn’t been drinking as I had to drive home from the station) otherwise I would’ve been in a far worse state on Saturday.

Saturday was pretty much a write off as by the home I got home and went to the gym and shopping it was early evening. After Friday night I was in need of a quiet night in, so I watched a video and went to bed early.

Yesterday, I met up with Bonnie Sin to sit in the sun in a local park. After sitting in the sun for an hour or so we decide to head off and see friend Mary Ellen Thong. In order to gain entrance to her house we stopped to pick some strawberries at a local pick your own farm. This worked and we spent the afternoon eating the fruits of our labours (pun fully intended, however bad).

Yesterday night I did what I swore I wouldn’t do and watched the England match. It epitomised why I don’t watch the national team. I get all excited as we go into the lead and then spend the second half biting my nails as the other team threaten to score. We get into the last 5 minutes and I start to relax and the ream then concede 2 goals in as many minutes. This just leaves me feeling frustrated and makes me wish I’d done something more constructive with the last 2 hours. I will not be watching Thursday’s match – I will go the gym instead where hopefully it will be empty as everyone else will be watching David Beckham and Co. try to redeem themselves. From now on, my only interest will be financial. I pulled Germany in the office sweepstake and there’s at £10 in it for me if they reach the final and £20 if they win.

WARNING - the following entry is long. Make sure that you have enough time to read it!

It’s been ages since I posted again. Before I went on holiday work was absolutely manic whilst I tried to get everything up to date. The Friday after my last posting I went for a takeaway after work round at my parents house, before going home to meet friend Kinky Malibu. On Saturday I went shopping and brought more things for my holiday. On Sunday Kinky Malibu and I went down to London to meet friend Debbie Dicks and Juan Funkenstein to celebrate Debbie Dicks’s birthday. It was a beautiful day so we ended up having a picnic on Clapham Common. Friends Jacqui Buttocks and Manly Slides also turned up as well as Bambi Venus and Huge Wide, Shannon Slick and her boyfriend. Unfortunately friend Donna Cummings had to work at the last minute so she and Seymour Lay couldn’t make it. It was a lovely chilled out afternoon sitting in the sun eating and drinking and when it got cooler we decamped to a nearby pub.

The following week I finished work on Wednesday in advance of going on holiday. It was two of my colleagues 30th birthdays on the Tuesday so I had fun decorating (or trashing depending on your point of view) their desks. My last day was horrendous. I knew that I would be late home, so I got into work at 7.30 in the morning. This extra hour meant that I left at 9pm that night rather than 10pm. I have subsequently realised that I would have been better taking only a half day holiday the following day as I worked a 13 hour day, and everything over the first 7.5 hours was out of my own time. It didn’t help that there were a whole bunch of problems which suddenly arose that day and which I had to sort out before I left. By the time I got home I had lost all enthusiasm for my holiday.

On Thursday I met friend Kinky Malibu for lunch as she works in Stevenage. I then dragged myself home to have some of my hair forcibly removed from it’s follicles in the name of beauty. I was supposed to go to colleague Juan Sex’s leaving drinks but as I resembled a plucked chicken I didn’t feel like going out in public. On Friday I met friend Bonnie Sin for lunch as she also works in Stevenage. I was the first time that I had seen her since she got back from her holiday in Chile so I got to hear about her trip. As Bonnie Sin had to go back to work, I took myself round to see my Mum who was the only other person I knew who wasn’t at work that afternoon to finalise the arrangements for the holiday.

As I am such an organised person I left all my packing until Saturday. However, I also had plans to see friend Lolita Slides who was back in Stevenage for the weekend. Lolita Slides and I hadn’t seen each other since Christmas and even then that was only a brief catch up. Despite me calling her on a semi regular basis she and I hadn’t actually managed to speak since then so we had lots to talk about. By the time I had also been to the gym and got the last minute things for my holiday I didn’t actually start packing until Saturday evening. In the end my case wasn’t so much carefully packed, rather stuffed haphazardly with as many clothes and shoes that I could fit in.

I got up at some ungodly hour on the Sunday to catch a flight to Monastir in Tunisia. It was a beautiful sunny morning when I left Luton. It was a dull overcast morning when I arrived in Monastir – usually when you go on holiday it’s the other way around. The sun eventually put in an appearance late afternoon. Luckily we made the most of it as it was the last bit of sun we saw for several days. Monday it pretty much rained all day. Tuesday it had stopped raining but it was dull and overcast again so we took a bus to the local resort. As it was purpose built there were only shops and restaurants there and the shops were selling crap – stuffed camels, snakes in boxes and fake football shirts. On Wednesday it started off cloudy, but by lunchtime the sun had come out. I was straight out into the sun to try and get some kind of suntan. Unfortunately, the sun didn’t last long. However, it was the start of things to come as when I woke up on Thursday morning the sun was out and it was a clear day. It was the first good day we had although again it clouded over in the late afternoon, although by that time we were ready to go in anyway. The rain made an unwelcome reappearance on Friday, but thankfully on our last day the sun was back and stayed throughout the day. Life being what it is, it was also a beautiful day when we left the hotel to go back to the airport on Sunday. I can’t believe I was in Africa and the weather was so awful. Luckily the hotel was lovely, which was just as well as we had to spend an awful lot of time there. I did a lot of reading and we played a lot of improving board games as my Mum had wisely packed the Scrabble. I also did a lot of eating as the food was fantastic. Lots of choice and lots of it! Needless to say I’d given up on sticking to my diet after the first day. As the week went on I was eating more and more - I figured it was a reward for myself as I’d eaten practically nothing all year. Luckily there was an indoor swimming pool which I used to burn off some of the calories.

I was a very popular girlie in Tunisia. I was propositioned by the waiters on a daily basis. Tunisia is a very poor country and has a young population. There is very high unemployment especially amongst the men who are all looking for a way out. Much as I would like to be flattered by the marriage proposals I received, I think it had more to do with me being a single young woman from the UK, rather than being irresistible to Tunisian men. At the start of the week I was very polite in my refusals. By the end of the week being rude was the quickest way of getting rid of them. It didn’t help that I was the only woman under the age of 50 in the hotel, although to be perfectly honest the men would’ve probably had more success with the older Shirley Valentine wannabes.

I got home at about 3pm last Sunday, but it wasn’t long before I was back at Luton airport to pick up my Dad from his golfing holiday. I spent most of last Monday sitting in the sun in my parents garden getting more of a tan than I did in an entire week in Tunisia. To commemorate the end of our respective holidays I took my parents out to dinner in the evening. They enjoyed their dinners and I endured my lettuce leaf. It was my way of doing penance for eating so much last week. I did go to the gym for 3 consecutive days last week as part of the ongoing penance process.

I came back to work last Tuesday. Despite the 13 hour day before I went on holiday, everything here was still a nightmare to come back to. Hardly any work had been done whilst I was away and I got thrown straight into a 5 hour project workshop. Since then it’s been horrendous, although things are calming down slightly now I am back. I have no worries about losing my job at any stage in the near future – my main concern is if I will ever be able to take time off work again. On the upside I did get a pay rise. It wasn’t huge, but it was double what most people in Finance will get. It wasn’t as much as my Manager was hoping to get me, but the fact he appreciates what I am doing and made an effort to get me more means a lot to me. However, I am still woefully underpaid compared to other people at my level here. It’s what comes of staying at the same company for so long. However, at the end of the day I have enough money to live the kind of life I want to live and I am happy at work. That counts for a lot especially as there aren’t many companies within 15 miles of home where I would have the opportunities that I have here.

Last Friday night I went out in Stevenage with colleagues Annette Velvet, Pussy Might and Chloe Bounce. I hadn’t seen Chloe and Baby Bounce for ages. Baby Bounce has doubled in size since I last saw him. Chloe Bounce is shrinking, although as we went for an all you can eat Chinese meal we may have reversed that trend for her. We ended up back at Chloe Bounce’s house to watch the Big Brother eviction. I am trying so hard not to get sucked into Big Brother this year and it doesn’t help when people make me watch it.

Saturday I didn’t do much, but on Sunday I caught up with friend Bonnie Sin. We went out for lunch and had a very pleasant afternoon sitting in a country pub garden. We called into see friend Mary Ellen Thong on the way home to catch up with her news. She has nearly finished her teacher training and will be starting to teach the nation’s young from September. I can never envisage my friends who are teachers in the classroom – I’ll have to go and observe one day, although I don’t think they’d appreciate me sitting laughing in the corner.

I got my new phone yesterday. For those of you that care about these things it’s a Motorola V300. I am struggling to get used to it as I’d had my old phone (a Samsung A300 fact fans) for 3 years and all the buttons are in different places. I also can’t find a polyphonic ringtone that I like. Whatever happened to good old ‘ring ring’?

This has been a somewhat mammoth entry. I started writing it last week but I’ve only just caught up with myself. I was hoping to post from Tunisia (let’s face it, it would’ve given me something to do) but I’d overestimated the impact of the internet and I hardly saw a computer the entire time I was out there let alone an internet café. Anyway, thanks for sticking with this and my next entry should be less like a novel.